David versus Goliath

Each morning following the Modeh Ani prayer I say to myself, "I feel safe in the unknown."  Followed by, "Thank you Ha'Shem for another day of life.  Give me the grace to live this day... Deeply, fully, and joyfully!"  Each time I open my computer I struggle in deciding if I want blissful ignorance in my day in regards to world events, or if I should start checking news outlets to see what's going on in the world.  Each day the news wins and each day I get more and more frustrated with the UN and the international community's double standards for Israel.

While countries all around us are killing their own people, expelling non-Islamic persons, and are building and buying nuclear weapons and arms; somehow Israel continues to get the bad press.  We're fired on, attacked by rioters, and condemned by the international community over and over again.  For what?  For being Jewish?  For wanting to protect our people and our own country?  For allowing religious freedom?  No other country in the world would allow such nonsense to continue.  No other country would be condemned for protecting it's own people the way we are.  No other country in the middle east protects democracy and freedom the way we do.

The Palestinian Authority (PA) broke agreements with Israel with their bid to the UN for upgraded status recognition.  After more restraint than any other country in the world, Israel announced plans to approve and build over 3,000 homes in the area now known as "E1".  This piece of land connects East Jerusalem to Maale Adumim.  It's the space between Judea and Samaria, connecting the southern and northern parts of the "West Bank".  The world is in an uproar screaming, "injustice!"  Israel has also announced that we will stop paying aide monies to the PA until at least March.  Billions of dollars is currently owed to the Israeli government by the PA for water and energy consumption.  Palestinians in Judea, Sameria, and Gaza are supplied with water and electricity from an Israeli power grid.  Billions of dollars worth of energy is paid by the Israeli tax payer for what?  So some "poor Palestinian" can have water and electricity?  The same Palestinian who will pick up a rock, or sometimes even a molotov cocktail, and hurl it at oncoming traffic.  The same ones who will attack soldiers and start riots.  Thank you Israel for the electricity, water, and aide money.... take a burning tire thrown on the road in front of your car as a token of our gratitude.  Can you sense my frustration?

This week has been nothing short of shocking and frustrating to me as I continue to read article after article about what is going on in the world.  History is about to repeat itself.  We are on the edge of World War 3... we have been for a very long time.  The Christian nations of the world are about to battle with the Arab nations of the world.  This will be a religious war.  If the Christian nations don't make the moves needed, the Jewish nation of Israel will.  Our tiny sliver of land and population will move forward and do what needs to be done.  We will take out nuclear weapons in Iran, we will crush weapons and arsenals in Syria, Lebanon, Gaza, etc.  Whatever and however the job needs to be done, we will do it.  We will do it holding the shield of King David as we fight for what is right.

Do I want war?  Of course not.  Who WANTS war?  I want to see an end to conflict.  I want to see an end to terror and murder.  The world is on the edge of the biggest change we've experienced in our lifetimes.  I truly believe that.  I would love to see us come to that change with openness, love, and tolerance, but that seems to be a reality that is moving further and further away.

As Hanukah is coming to an end I can't help but think about the parallel between the story of Hanukah and what's currently happening in the world around us.  In the story of Hanukah the tiny nation of Israel, a small rag tag group of Rabbis, stood up to the Greeks and fought a courageous and miraculous war.  Right now, the land of Israel is once again looking to stand up for herself against the Arab nations surrounding us.  Once again we are on the side of David as he prepares to fight Goliath.  As I've said before and I will continue to say again... history is bound to repeat itself.  Time is not linear.  Time is circular.  We have stood up to the Greeks, Romans, Egyptians.  We have survived Inquisitions, expulsions, the Holocaust.  We will continue to fight.  We will continue to be strong.  Never again.

As we finish Hanukah and look towards the end of 2012 I pray that we all have holidays filled with light, love, joy, and blessings.  

War and Peace

Now that Hamas and Israel have agreed to a ceasefire, things are supposed to get back to "normal.” The thing is, I'm not really sure what "normal" is. Or how to be "normal" afterwards. It's hard to describe what it's like living on the fence of war and peace. Of course, I'm happy that we're not being fired on, or that we didn't have to launch a ground invasion of Gaza. I was so relieved to see one of my good friends come back from his reservist duty earlier this week. I'm happy each and every time I see a friend come back home ... safe. I thank God for the peace, no matter how temporary it might be.

That being said, I now have war in the back of my mind. It's tapping away at the back of my subconscious. Last Friday night, as I lit my Shabbat candles, I kept thinking to myself, "What if another siren goes off like last week?" Today, as I was working in the preschool and the kids were sleeping, I kept thinking about my current biggest fear: to be in the preschool with sleeping kids and an air raid siren goes off. As I walk down the street I am vastly more aware of my surroundings and where the closest place to take cover could be. When I travel to Jerusalem I find myself scanning the roadside for Arab kids with rocks just waiting for an Israeli car to drive by. That being said, I'm really trying to not live my life in fear and terror. If I stop doing what I need to do and lock myself in my bedroom (which happens to be my apartment's shelter), they win.

My Israeli friends have been trying to instill courage in me. Most "sabre" Israelis (born and raised here) have crazy stories about war that we, as Americans, can't even begin to imagine. People in my age group have lived through Intifadas and the Gulf War. Add a few years to that and we're talking also about another Gaza War, the Yom Kippur War, and even the 1967 Six-Day War. I have friends that grew up taking their backpack, lunch and gas mask to school. You know, in case of chemical warfare. My friends and family have stories about hiding in their bathroom (since there weren't really shelters back then), putting duct tape around the door frame, wearing their gas masks, and hearing gun fire and rockets so close that it felt like it was coming into their homes. This is how Israelis reassure me that things are fine and I shouldn't worry. They tell me stories about the last Gaza War and the time their car got firebombed or stoned on the road. They tell me stories about how they used to be friends with many Arabs until (enter whichever war or terrorist attack you want here) happened. 

They tell me that they're sorry they didn't even think about calling to check in on me, well because, (shoulder shrug) that's how life is.  That's how life is? How is that possible? A nation of men and women grow up knowing and seeing war. Apparently I'm now "really Israeli" because I had to run into a shelter a few times recently. It makes my heart break a little bit with each story I hear. I think about the last time I was with my friends in America. We never spoke about war, international, national, or even local politics. All I can think about now is that Hamas in Gaza in currently rebuilding the same tunnels that were used for smuggling rockets from Iran. Iran is trying to broker a deal with Jordan, our neighbor to the east, by offering them 30 years of free oil. Also, Iran is loading ships with rockets for delivery to Gaza. Syria, to the northeast, is in the midst of a civil war. Lebanon, to the northwest, is backed by Hezbulla. Egypt, to the west, can't afford to break its peace agreement with Israel because of the billions of dollars in aid it’s receiving from America. Will that stop Egypt? Its president is affiliated with the Muslim Brotherhood, which is backed by Hamas.

I've lived in pretty rough neighborhoods before, but nothing compares to the one Israel lives in. I've seen pretty crazy things, including a hijacked mini-bus hostage situation outside my Los Angeles apartment, but it doesn't compare to seeing rocket trails outside my bedroom window followed by a boom that shook me to my core.

Yet we are still here. Yet I am still here. We will continue to be here. I will continue to be here.

I can't really describe how or why, I just know that despite my fears and anxieties I will continue to live in Israel. I will most likely continue to have fear and anxiety, but I'm hopeful that with time it will fade. All I can do is face the fear, look it dead in the eyes, and then continue on with my day — however that works. I have to trust that our mighty Israel Defense Forces are strong and well equipped. I have to stay strong and savvy and aware of what's going on around me. I have to talk to people about religion and politics (things too politically incorrect to speak about in other places) and stay informed.

As I'm sitting here in the computer lab at the elementary school where I teach, I can't help but think about the fact that just a few years ago I was living my simple little life in Bakersfield, serving coffee at a local Starbucks, blissfully unaware of anything that didn't directly affect my immediate life. Would I go back? No. How could I?

This week, the week following the ceasefire, our elementary school had a "special program" for the kids. The program was all about tolerance. Talk about courage. Where I've begun to feel hate in my heart over the pain and terror of the last week, this school has decided to take a huge chunk of time and teach the kids all about tolerance. What a beautiful thing to do. Teaching this to the children has resoftened my calluses. I think that hate is one of the most dangerous words in the English language, as well as a dangerous emotion. 

It's one that I try to stay as far away from as I can. I'm thankful that in the midst of one of the most challenging times in my life, so far, we have taken time out to learn something good and positive. Something that will hopefully be ingrained in these children’s hearts as much as it is in mine.