At 3:23am I just couldn't fall asleep. Since about 11:45pm I had been attempting to go to sleep. At 12:00am the Israeli government was making good on their promise to start releasing 26 (of 104) Palestinian terrorists. Most were released to their homes in Judea (where I live), Samaria, and Gaza. This move was made as precondition to get the Palestinians to the negotiating table for peace. Let me reiterate... we, Israel, have so far released 26 convicted murderers back to their homes throughout the West Bank and Gaza.
Disgusting. Infuriating. Unheard of anywhere in the world but here. Anger and resentment boils over inside of me like a volcano close to erupting. I'll get back to that. Let me back up...
At about 7:30pm Tuesday evening I was driving from Tekoa to Jerusalem when I saw something unusual at the traffic circle by Herodian. As I approached and slowed down I saw what must have been roughly 100 Arab villagers converging on the traffic circle, blocking traffic, and exiting their cars. Simutaneously I saw Israeli army jeeps arriving and IDF soldiers dressed in full riot gear walking towards the crowd. Nothing was happening... yet. No one was yelling or screaming, but my heart was pounding in my ears so loud that I could no longer hear the music playing on my radio. Suddenly an Arab man starts waiving at me to drive forward, into the crowd. At this point I was the first car in what was quickly becoming a traffic jam on my side of the road. I saw an opening in the crowd and cars and I floored it. The some 30 seconds it took me to get to the other side of the mass of people felt like an eternity. I prayed, "Hear me Ha'Shem, grant me safe passage to their other side of this road. Protect me, protect the other travelers, protect our soldiers. I don't know what is happening or why, nor do I currently care. Just protect us." I silently thanked Ha'Shem as I drove and pushed 140km/hr racing towards the checkpoint to enter Jerusalem. Thank you Ha'Shem, for allowing me to learn how to drive and handle any car.
Later, after driving back home on the same road, which was now deserted and silent, I again offered up a prayer of gratitude. "May this be the worst of what I experience in my days living in Israel," I concluded.
Will it be the worst? My ideological and hopeful peace-loving side of my self fervently hopes that it was. The realist in me knows that is bull-shit! She knows that I have only seen a sliver of the truth of what it means to be an Israeli.
So there I sat, at 11:45pm reading news article after new article announcing the release of men like Raai Ibrahim Salam Ali. Raai Ibrahim was arrested in 1994 and sentenced to life imprisonment for the murder - using an axe - of 79 year-old Morris Aizenshtat who was sitting on a park bench in Kfar Saba reading a book at the time. Let me also reiterate that... Morris, a 79 year-old man, was sitting on a park bench reading a book when he was murdered by Raai Ibrahim with an axe. An axe! As of last night, Raai Ibrahim was most likely welcomed home to Gaza with party and fan fare as a true hero of the Palestinean people. As I write this, I have to swallow hard to make sure that I don't throw up out of disgust and anger. I cry with and for the Aizenshtat family (and many more), knowing that their loved ones murderer is a free man who is being celebrated as a hero.
Yet somehow, it is believed that all of this will bring peace?
As my insomnia kept my mind running and my adrenaline pumping I attempted many things to wear myself out. I watched a movie. I read a book. I tried to meditate and breathe deeply. Sometime after 3:00am the real noise started. Pop, pop, blast, pop, pop, bang, blast, bang, bang... over and over and over again. I haven't been here long enough to know the difference in the sounds of fireworks versus gunfire (apparently one develops an ear for these things), so I silently told myself that it must be fireworks... it was gunfire. I rolled over, once again attempting to fall asleep. Sometime around 4:00am (I'm not sure what time exactly) I hear the Muslim call to worship for morning prayers to begin. The pops, bangs, and blasts had barely begun to lessen when the loud speakers kicked in from the Arab village across the way. "Aaaaalllllllaaaahhh!!" it wailed, followed by a series of undecipherable chantings. The speakers blared as if someone was standing outside my bedroom window with a mega-phone. "Allah hu Akbar" it screamed through my sleepless mind (Allah is great). At nearly 4:30am, you know what's really great? SLEEP!
I am now sitting on my couch as the latest wave of pops and bangs and blasts echo across the waadi from their hilltop to ours. Every sound amplifies the fury inside of me. Each celebratory blast for them is another kick in the chest for us, knocking the wind out of our tired and frustrated sails.
The UN makes us, Israel, out to be the terrorists of the Middle East. Somehow, we are still the bad guys. As rockets are fired into Southern Israel, as murderers are welcomed home as heros throughout the West Bank and Gaza, and as Northern Israeli hospitals continue to care for and treat victims of the Syrian civil war, we are lauded as the 'bad guys'. Despite, or maybe because of this, the resilience of Israelis is still unsurpassable. This stops no one from living their lives. It is currently two weeks before school starts up again, and Israelis are still vacationing in the Red Sea, jumping into waterholes, hiking, camping, shopping, going to movies, etc.
These murderers are welcomed to their homes as freedom fighters, defenders of Allah, true heros. This "bargain" for peace is nothing more than an incredibly harmful illusion and political manipulation at its finest. If Bibi (Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu) really had balls, not one convicted murderer would leave jail. Not one! If John Kerry truly understood the history, pain, triumph, tragedy of the Middle East, then I'm sure he would be preaching a different path to peace. America does not negotiate with terrorists, remember? Why should we?
Despite my cynicism, I still pray for peace. Real peace. Lasting peace. Despite the fighter jets and helicopters that seem to fly so low it rattles my apartment windows. Despite the questionable pops and blasts that could either be fireworks or gunfire. Despite seeing IDF dressed in riot gear approaching a group of Arabs who are blocking the road. Despite it all, they, our Arab cousins, will NOT drive me out from my home. They will not bully me into giving up my home. They will continue to push until we are driven into the Mediterranean Sea. We can not compromise with terrorism. We can not compromise with bullies.
Until then, the day of true, uncompromising, peace... all I can do is pray.
Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Shabbat HaGadol
From Tekoa, my yishuv in the Judean Desert, I have the most amazing views. To the East I can see the Dead Sea and Jordan. To the West I can see all the way past Bethlehem to Jerusalem. We, the Jews of Judea and Sameria (also known as the West Bank) are not necessarily the hill top religious radicals that are depicted on the news. We, the Jews of Tekoa, are the peace yearning, Zionistic, musicians, artists, writers, inventors, scholars, and laborers of the “disputed territories”. We are religious, secular, and traditional. We are Jews from all around the world who are passionately Zionistic and are living with strength and emmunah - faith. My fellow “settlers” have lived through the Gulf War, 2 Intifadas, motolov cocktails, and stone throwings. They are the epitiomy of strength, patience, and love for humankind.
Two weeks ago during the passing of my Israeli community’s spiritual leader, Rabbi Menahem Froman, I finally truly realized what was important... peace. Rabbi Froman was known as an eccentric “Settler” Rabbi from the West Bank Village of Tekoa... the place I call home.
At Rabbi Foman’s memorial service he was eulogized as the ‘Rabbi of Peace’. He was seen as sometimes controversial, but he was known as a man of principle, a man of vision, a man of holiness. He was a man of genuine spirit and passion who stood up for what he believed in. His message was about peace through understanding and compassion. Not just from Jew to Muslim, but also Jew to Jew, and human to human. I think that we, as human beings, can get so entangled in the monotony of everyday life that we forget the beauty that is all around us. That is what he taught us. How to find the inherent goodness in our fellow human being.
On that particular windy Tuesday afternoon, thousands of people gathered in my little village in the Judean Hills to pay tribute to a man of unwavering values. As he was on the way to his final resting place we, roughly 5,000 people, stood grave side with his wife, children, and grandchildren. Before he passed away, Rav Menahem requested that everyone sing the song; “Eshet Chayil” - A Woman of Valor to his wife, Hadassah. It was a powerful expression of love, romance, loss, and support to be part of thousands of people singing together for them both.
The song Eshet Chayil - A Woman of Valor is found in the book of Proverbs (31:10-31). The lyrics, accredited to King Solomon, paint a beautiful picture of this man’s love for his wife.
אשת חיל מי ימצא. ורחק מפנינים מכרה...
A Woman of Valor, who can find? She is more precious than corals...
בטח בה לב בעלה. ישלל לא יחסר...
Her husband places his trust in her and profits only thereby..
כפה פרשה לעני. וידיה שלחה לאביון...
She opens her hands to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy...
עז והדר לבושה. ותשחק ליום אחרון...
She is robed in strength and dignity, and she smiles at the future...
פיה פתחה בחכמה ותורה חסד על לשונה...
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and a lesson of kindness is on her tongue...
רבות בנות עשו חיל ואת עלית על כלנה...
Her children rise up and make her happy; her husband praises her: “Many women have excelled, but you excel them all!”...
שקר החן והבל היפי. אשה יראת יי היא תתהלל: תנו לא מפרי ידיה. ויהללוה בשערים מעשיה...
Grace is elusive and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears Gd -- she shall be praised...
Author, Mrs. Lori Palatnik says that... “The Jewish woman. If not for her, the Jewish people would still be enslaved in Egypt.”
She continues by saying that, “when Pharaoh decreed that all first-born Jewish males should die, the men decided to refrain from relations with their wives so as not to bring any more children into this world. The women realized that Gd would indeed save them and bring them out of Egypt, so they went to their husbands in order to bring more Jewish children into the world. Their faith and foresight were said to have merited the redemption from Egypt of the entire Jewish people.”
She so eloquently points out that, “the Jewish woman [was] the one who was offered the Torah first from Moses. After Moses received the Torah from Gd at Mount Sinai, he offered it first to the Jewish women, for he knew that if they accepted it, it would become part of the Jewish people for all time. It was the Jewish woman who, in the face of adversity, held steadfast to her trust in the Almighty, even when those around her did not. The Jewish woman was who time and time again saved the Jewish people through her insightfulness, virtue, and belief in Gd.”
According to the Talmud, it is the Jewish woman, in whose merit the Messiah will come and the final redemption of the Jewish people.
Today the Jewish woman, is the one entrusted with the responsibility of maintaining the three mitzvot central to the Jewish home: kashrut, Shabbat, and mikvah.
If not for her, where would we be? There would be no home, no family... no Jewish people. On Friday night, she sits as the queen of her table, while all those around her sing her praises. And rightly so.
She is the Eishet Chayil, the Woman of Valor, who sets the tone of love, spirituality, and personal growth for all those around her. To know her is to appreciate her strength and talents.
Rabbi Froman asking to have this song sung to his wife was a showing of true love and gratitude to his wife, Hadassah.
As we are now gathered here... together on this Shabbat, the Shabbat HaGadol, and look towards the coming days and the beginning of Passover we should be sure to remember from where we have come and to where we are destined to go. We must remember that time is circular and not linear. This is therefore the time of the Shabbat before the great Exodus from Egypt. The Shabbat where we prepared lamb for dinner and painted our doorposts signaling the Angel of Death to pass over. Our last moment of slavery and our transcendance to freedom. This is the beginning of our true identity, the people of the book... our holy Torah. 50 days after the first seder we will celebrate Shavuot and the receiving of the Torah on Mt Sinai. It is a time of great introspection and evaluation. Are we still a nation of free people called the Jews? Have we still been charged with the enormous task of being a light unto the nations?
At Rabbi Menahem’s funeral I saw my own understanding of these questions. We are free. We are free to choose who we want to be and how we will be that person. We are free to truly understand one another and have compassion for one another. We are free to open our minds and hearts to unwavering love. Emancipated from physical, mental, and emotional slavery.
As Rav Bob Marley says, “Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds.”
I have been blessed to have moved to one of the most beautiful places in the world. I am truly thankful each day that a pair of Divine Tweezers picked me up and plopped me down in the “West Bank”. I was mentally enslaved into the entrapment of modernity. Only looking outwards and never looking inwards. That is my Exodus. My own personal Exodus of self imposed shackles.
I have been living in Israel for nearly three years now and this past November I got my first real taste of what it actually means to be Israeli. Hundreds of rockets were fired into Israel from the Hamas run Gaza strip, reaching as far as Tel Aviv and even to my neighborhood, the Gush Etzion bloc of Judea. One Friday night as I was home and lighting my Shabbat candles I heard a siren begin to wail through my village. No one thought that we were in the range of rockets from Gaza, but still I ran to my secure room. As I leaned out my window to grab and close my steel reinforced shutters, I saw two rocket trails over a neighboring hill followed by a BOOM BOOM! I slammed my windows shut and sat in stunned silence. Another siren began to wail, this time followed by an announcement, “Tzevah Adom, Tevah Adom, Code Red, Code Red.” My permanent reality changed at this point in my life. I am an Israeli now. In the days following, I watched as my friend’s and neighbor’s husbands packed their bags and immediately left for reservists duty. These brave souls proudly answering their call to duty are the modern day heros of the Jewish people. Over and over again we are threatened with annihilation and over and over again we cry, “NEVER AGAIN!”
So here we are roughly 3,300 years after leaving Egypt. A free people. We can live anywhere, we pray anyway, we are free to be us... Jews. The champions of tikun olam. Entrusted with the torch of not only just going out into the world to well, but going out into the world to do good.
15 years ago I stood here, in this very place, as a scared and confused teenager declaring my disdain for what I believed was a cruel Gd... if Gd even existed at all. I looked out into the world and I only saw darkness. I saw no light, no holiness, no Gd. I stand before you today as an equally confused adult, but a more humble one and a person who yearns only to find the good, beauty and holiness in this world. I have learned that when I screamed and yelled for Gd to answer me and was so positive that Gd was not there that it was not Gd who had gone anywhere... it was me. As soon as I came back to see if Gd was still around... there He was waiting to embrace me like a parent embracing their child, welcoming them home.
I have learned from living on a yishuv (aka settlement) the true meaning of peace and harmony. I have allowed myself to focus on the light in the world instead of the darkness because out of the darkness comes light. In the darkest places we can light a candle that’s brightness will spread and illuminate. It is the light of hope and emmunah.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Rav Menahem Froman
Baruch Dyan HaEmet - Blessed is the righteous judge...
I've never seen so many people in my little yishuv that roughly 600 families call "home". On a brisk and blustery Tuesday afternoon thousands of people from all over Israel gathered to honor the life of Rabbi Menahem Froman. Rabbi Menahem was the Rabbi and spiritual leader of my yishuv, Tekoa. I've never experienced anything like this in my life and I will be eternally grateful that I had the opportunity to live and pray in his community and synagogue.
In a land of indescribable amounts of conflict Rav Froman was a champion of peace. He passionately worked for what he believed in. He tirelessly worked to find a solution, peace, and understanding with our Muslim cousins.
The first time I saw Rabbi Froman was at an annual festival held here in Tekoa called 'Hoshana Raba' marking the end of Sukkot. I had never seen anyone radiate purity, innocence, light, and holiness like this man. Dressed in all white, long white beard, a smile that's can only be described as magical, and eyes that sparkle with a light from another world. He was on the main event's stage with a major Israeli musician, Ehud Banai, smiling and clapping and lighting up the audience with a radiance that is nothing short of contagious.
As an immigrant I have been new to the Rav Froman phenomenon and idea of peace through religion. His controversial ideas of achieving peace are simplistic and complicated and beautiful all at the same time. His light shines on through his wife, 10 children, and grandchildren. Their smiles radiate as brightly as his did. Their energies and passion are as big as his was. I am humbled to have briefly known him and his family.
As I walked with the thousands of admirers and supporters from my synagogue to the cemetery I was lost in my own silent awe and admiration for this man. The wind furiously blew us along the way we sang songs and hymns as we walked him to his final resting place.
I've never seen so many people in my little yishuv that roughly 600 families call "home". On a brisk and blustery Tuesday afternoon thousands of people from all over Israel gathered to honor the life of Rabbi Menahem Froman. Rabbi Menahem was the Rabbi and spiritual leader of my yishuv, Tekoa. I've never experienced anything like this in my life and I will be eternally grateful that I had the opportunity to live and pray in his community and synagogue.
In a land of indescribable amounts of conflict Rav Froman was a champion of peace. He passionately worked for what he believed in. He tirelessly worked to find a solution, peace, and understanding with our Muslim cousins.
The first time I saw Rabbi Froman was at an annual festival held here in Tekoa called 'Hoshana Raba' marking the end of Sukkot. I had never seen anyone radiate purity, innocence, light, and holiness like this man. Dressed in all white, long white beard, a smile that's can only be described as magical, and eyes that sparkle with a light from another world. He was on the main event's stage with a major Israeli musician, Ehud Banai, smiling and clapping and lighting up the audience with a radiance that is nothing short of contagious.
As an immigrant I have been new to the Rav Froman phenomenon and idea of peace through religion. His controversial ideas of achieving peace are simplistic and complicated and beautiful all at the same time. His light shines on through his wife, 10 children, and grandchildren. Their smiles radiate as brightly as his did. Their energies and passion are as big as his was. I am humbled to have briefly known him and his family.
MK Uri Ariel (Jewish Home) addressed on Monday night the passing of Tekoa's Rabbi Menachem Froman, who died after a battle with colon cancer. "This was a great loss for the country. Rabbi Froman was one of the greatest fighters and lovers of the country. He loved peace and pursued peace, hated controversy, loved people and drew them closer to the Torah. He was always able to see the person beyond the dispute and to connect the different factions of the nation."
As I walked with the thousands of admirers and supporters from my synagogue to the cemetery I was lost in my own silent awe and admiration for this man. The wind furiously blew us along the way we sang songs and hymns as we walked him to his final resting place.
The head of the Shomron Regional Council, Gershon Mesika, expressed deep sadness over the passing of Rabbi Menachem Fruman Monday night. "Israel and the communities of Judea and Samaria have lost an important spiritual leader. Rabbi Menachem Fruman worked all his life in original and varied ways to strengthen and expand the settlement and construction in Judea, Samaria and all of Israel. The residents of Samaria express their condolences to the family, the community of Tekoa, Gush Etzion and all of Israel. "
The young leaders of the Jewish Home party expressed their sorrow Monday night over the passing of Rabbi Menachem Fruman. "The Rabbi was a brave man, a man of truth who was not afraid to go against the current, even when it was not easy. The Rabbi was a very special personality and knew how to integrate world views and differing opinions. A man of peace and love."
=====
Friday, December 28, 2012
Be the Change
I went through an incredible and life transformational experience this past Shabbat that I will forever be grateful for. I hope that the power of the experience can continue to shine through my life for a very long time. I would like to share a bit of my experience. I hope that the peace and serenity that I currently feel within myself can be transferred into written words. So here goes...
The heaviness of life and especially living in Israel has a tendency to take it's tole on me sometimes. In an effort to face my own life issues I've been seeing an amazing therapist for the past 1 1/2 years. Let me try to clearly express the gratitude I have for this man. He has helped me to make changes in my life that have been the most difficult and absolutely most rewarding. He is my Guru. (He doesn't call himself a Guru... it's just the best word I can use to describe him.) I encourage you all to find your helper. Someone to guide and help you deal with the difficulties that life has a tendency to throw at us time and time again.
My Guru has a self developed practice called "breathing the change". It's a combination of many things; Chinese medicine, acupressure, shiatsu, deep breathing, meditation, and talk therapy just to name a few. He not only treats the mind, but also the body and the spirit - soul. I've tried many different types of "self help" and nothing has been close in comparison to the total package of healing as the treatments I receive from him. It's important that when you finally get the courage to make a big life change that you have someone to lean on and help guide you on your new path. Someone who not only treats your body or your mind, but someone who remembers the importance of your mind, body, and soul - all three together. Don't forget your soul. Your soul is what you special and separates human from animal.
My Guru has been encouraging me to come to a weekend workshop in the north for a very long time and I finally agreed. Although I was reluctant to spend the time, money, and effort (the entire workshop was in Hebrew) I went anyway. I participated in a workshop by him over a year ago, and although I also felt that it was beneficial, I still knew that I had a lot of work to do. A year later I found myself carpooling to a very remote location in northern Israel with complete strangers (who didn't seem to speak much English at all).
I have learned from him that when we experience traumas in life and we don't properly deal with the emotion we lock that energy inside of us. It doesn't just go away... no matter how much we hope it will. It's still there. With much courage and encouragement 13 of us went on a journey together of facing our fears and traumas in a safe and healthy environment. I won't go into the details of what that was like for me, but I what I overcame left me feeling like a different person.
I would like to share my top 3 moments of the weekend...
1. During the weekend, specifically on Friday night, I found myself singing Kabbalat Shabbat songs (songs to welcome the Sabbath) and dancing in the rain. I have NEVER danced in the rain in my life. I have always been too shy and self conscious of what people might think of me. If you have never had that experience... it is a MUST. You simply MUST dance in the rain at some point in your life. You must sing with reckless abandon and dance in whatever way is the most freeing. It has to be a personal and liberating experience. Who cares what anyone else thinks? You want to dance? DANCE! You want to sing? SING! Liberate yourself from your self imposed shackles. I've always envied those people who were free enough to dance in the rain. Friday night, I became one of them.
2. I allowed myself to show raw emotion in front of people. I am typically not one to show much emotion, especially not raw emotion. I can count the number of times on one hand that I've ever cried in front of people. I'm not sure if most women have this same problem or not, but I sure do. I feel like modern society has made it so that women have to be strong and choke back their tears. It's not in our nature. My sisters, don't be ashamed of crying because crying doesn't show weakness. It shows truth. We, as women, are emotional creatures and we shouldn't be afraid of being called "crazy" because we show our hearts and emotions. It's what makes us women! Our emotions don't make us "crazy"... holding in all of the beautiful emotions we have inside of us DOES.
3. I spent a weekend communicating in a different language. When I couldn't find the right words to say in Hebrew I was able to show my love and support to others in other ways. Sometimes words aren't needed and are the last thing anyone wants to hear. I feel like I spend an enormous amount of time in my head trying to find the right words to say. Sometimes there are no words. Sometimes the compassion that we want to give and receive has no need to be spoken. A look, a hug, a shoulder rub, a shared tear are all incredibly powerful ways to express yourself. As I found myself crying out years of repressed emotion all I really wanted was a shoulder to cry on and comforting hand on my back. I found that as the guy next to me was rubbing his temples with a furrowed brow of intensity I knew I couldn't communicate with him in his language. So I offered a head and neck massage to help alleviate his pain. It turns out that's exactly what he needed. Body language doesn't have to be sexual and it shouldn't always be. It should be a tool to help create universal connectivity that breaks down the barriers of misinterpreted words.
After the workshop I have reentered the normal grind of daily life and I am blessed with enormous joy and a lighter spirit. I have found a different type of courage within myself. The courage to love life and people. We are not here to pass judgement on anyone else. Only I have walked in my shoes and only you have walked in yours. Your choices are yours alone and no one has the right to judge you for them. I have learned to love life to it's fullest through it's ups and downs. I feel as if I'm able to keep putting powerful and good energy into my life only good things will come of it. I have been enabled to have the courage to dance while I get ready for work, sing my way through the day, and smile at complete strangers. I see light in the world. It's there if we want to find it.
Like Mahatma Ghandi says, "Be the change you want to see in the world."
My advice a week after the seminar is: don't wait for life to happen. Make it happen. Everyday is a new day and a new chance at life. Humbly be thankful for it and take advantage of every moment. Peace begins with us.
The heaviness of life and especially living in Israel has a tendency to take it's tole on me sometimes. In an effort to face my own life issues I've been seeing an amazing therapist for the past 1 1/2 years. Let me try to clearly express the gratitude I have for this man. He has helped me to make changes in my life that have been the most difficult and absolutely most rewarding. He is my Guru. (He doesn't call himself a Guru... it's just the best word I can use to describe him.) I encourage you all to find your helper. Someone to guide and help you deal with the difficulties that life has a tendency to throw at us time and time again.
My Guru has a self developed practice called "breathing the change". It's a combination of many things; Chinese medicine, acupressure, shiatsu, deep breathing, meditation, and talk therapy just to name a few. He not only treats the mind, but also the body and the spirit - soul. I've tried many different types of "self help" and nothing has been close in comparison to the total package of healing as the treatments I receive from him. It's important that when you finally get the courage to make a big life change that you have someone to lean on and help guide you on your new path. Someone who not only treats your body or your mind, but someone who remembers the importance of your mind, body, and soul - all three together. Don't forget your soul. Your soul is what you special and separates human from animal.
My Guru has been encouraging me to come to a weekend workshop in the north for a very long time and I finally agreed. Although I was reluctant to spend the time, money, and effort (the entire workshop was in Hebrew) I went anyway. I participated in a workshop by him over a year ago, and although I also felt that it was beneficial, I still knew that I had a lot of work to do. A year later I found myself carpooling to a very remote location in northern Israel with complete strangers (who didn't seem to speak much English at all).
I have learned from him that when we experience traumas in life and we don't properly deal with the emotion we lock that energy inside of us. It doesn't just go away... no matter how much we hope it will. It's still there. With much courage and encouragement 13 of us went on a journey together of facing our fears and traumas in a safe and healthy environment. I won't go into the details of what that was like for me, but I what I overcame left me feeling like a different person.
I would like to share my top 3 moments of the weekend...
1. During the weekend, specifically on Friday night, I found myself singing Kabbalat Shabbat songs (songs to welcome the Sabbath) and dancing in the rain. I have NEVER danced in the rain in my life. I have always been too shy and self conscious of what people might think of me. If you have never had that experience... it is a MUST. You simply MUST dance in the rain at some point in your life. You must sing with reckless abandon and dance in whatever way is the most freeing. It has to be a personal and liberating experience. Who cares what anyone else thinks? You want to dance? DANCE! You want to sing? SING! Liberate yourself from your self imposed shackles. I've always envied those people who were free enough to dance in the rain. Friday night, I became one of them.
2. I allowed myself to show raw emotion in front of people. I am typically not one to show much emotion, especially not raw emotion. I can count the number of times on one hand that I've ever cried in front of people. I'm not sure if most women have this same problem or not, but I sure do. I feel like modern society has made it so that women have to be strong and choke back their tears. It's not in our nature. My sisters, don't be ashamed of crying because crying doesn't show weakness. It shows truth. We, as women, are emotional creatures and we shouldn't be afraid of being called "crazy" because we show our hearts and emotions. It's what makes us women! Our emotions don't make us "crazy"... holding in all of the beautiful emotions we have inside of us DOES.
3. I spent a weekend communicating in a different language. When I couldn't find the right words to say in Hebrew I was able to show my love and support to others in other ways. Sometimes words aren't needed and are the last thing anyone wants to hear. I feel like I spend an enormous amount of time in my head trying to find the right words to say. Sometimes there are no words. Sometimes the compassion that we want to give and receive has no need to be spoken. A look, a hug, a shoulder rub, a shared tear are all incredibly powerful ways to express yourself. As I found myself crying out years of repressed emotion all I really wanted was a shoulder to cry on and comforting hand on my back. I found that as the guy next to me was rubbing his temples with a furrowed brow of intensity I knew I couldn't communicate with him in his language. So I offered a head and neck massage to help alleviate his pain. It turns out that's exactly what he needed. Body language doesn't have to be sexual and it shouldn't always be. It should be a tool to help create universal connectivity that breaks down the barriers of misinterpreted words.
After the workshop I have reentered the normal grind of daily life and I am blessed with enormous joy and a lighter spirit. I have found a different type of courage within myself. The courage to love life and people. We are not here to pass judgement on anyone else. Only I have walked in my shoes and only you have walked in yours. Your choices are yours alone and no one has the right to judge you for them. I have learned to love life to it's fullest through it's ups and downs. I feel as if I'm able to keep putting powerful and good energy into my life only good things will come of it. I have been enabled to have the courage to dance while I get ready for work, sing my way through the day, and smile at complete strangers. I see light in the world. It's there if we want to find it.
Like Mahatma Ghandi says, "Be the change you want to see in the world."
My advice a week after the seminar is: don't wait for life to happen. Make it happen. Everyday is a new day and a new chance at life. Humbly be thankful for it and take advantage of every moment. Peace begins with us.
Friday, December 14, 2012
David versus Goliath
Each morning following the Modeh Ani prayer I say to myself, "I feel safe in the unknown." Followed by, "Thank you Ha'Shem for another day of life. Give me the grace to live this day... Deeply, fully, and joyfully!" Each time I open my computer I struggle in deciding if I want blissful ignorance in my day in regards to world events, or if I should start checking news outlets to see what's going on in the world. Each day the news wins and each day I get more and more frustrated with the UN and the international community's double standards for Israel.
While countries all around us are killing their own people, expelling non-Islamic persons, and are building and buying nuclear weapons and arms; somehow Israel continues to get the bad press. We're fired on, attacked by rioters, and condemned by the international community over and over again. For what? For being Jewish? For wanting to protect our people and our own country? For allowing religious freedom? No other country in the world would allow such nonsense to continue. No other country would be condemned for protecting it's own people the way we are. No other country in the middle east protects democracy and freedom the way we do.
The Palestinian Authority (PA) broke agreements with Israel with their bid to the UN for upgraded status recognition. After more restraint than any other country in the world, Israel announced plans to approve and build over 3,000 homes in the area now known as "E1". This piece of land connects East Jerusalem to Maale Adumim. It's the space between Judea and Samaria, connecting the southern and northern parts of the "West Bank". The world is in an uproar screaming, "injustice!" Israel has also announced that we will stop paying aide monies to the PA until at least March. Billions of dollars is currently owed to the Israeli government by the PA for water and energy consumption. Palestinians in Judea, Sameria, and Gaza are supplied with water and electricity from an Israeli power grid. Billions of dollars worth of energy is paid by the Israeli tax payer for what? So some "poor Palestinian" can have water and electricity? The same Palestinian who will pick up a rock, or sometimes even a molotov cocktail, and hurl it at oncoming traffic. The same ones who will attack soldiers and start riots. Thank you Israel for the electricity, water, and aide money.... take a burning tire thrown on the road in front of your car as a token of our gratitude. Can you sense my frustration?
This week has been nothing short of shocking and frustrating to me as I continue to read article after article about what is going on in the world. History is about to repeat itself. We are on the edge of World War 3... we have been for a very long time. The Christian nations of the world are about to battle with the Arab nations of the world. This will be a religious war. If the Christian nations don't make the moves needed, the Jewish nation of Israel will. Our tiny sliver of land and population will move forward and do what needs to be done. We will take out nuclear weapons in Iran, we will crush weapons and arsenals in Syria, Lebanon, Gaza, etc. Whatever and however the job needs to be done, we will do it. We will do it holding the shield of King David as we fight for what is right.
Do I want war? Of course not. Who WANTS war? I want to see an end to conflict. I want to see an end to terror and murder. The world is on the edge of the biggest change we've experienced in our lifetimes. I truly believe that. I would love to see us come to that change with openness, love, and tolerance, but that seems to be a reality that is moving further and further away.
As Hanukah is coming to an end I can't help but think about the parallel between the story of Hanukah and what's currently happening in the world around us. In the story of Hanukah the tiny nation of Israel, a small rag tag group of Rabbis, stood up to the Greeks and fought a courageous and miraculous war. Right now, the land of Israel is once again looking to stand up for herself against the Arab nations surrounding us. Once again we are on the side of David as he prepares to fight Goliath. As I've said before and I will continue to say again... history is bound to repeat itself. Time is not linear. Time is circular. We have stood up to the Greeks, Romans, Egyptians. We have survived Inquisitions, expulsions, the Holocaust. We will continue to fight. We will continue to be strong. Never again.
While countries all around us are killing their own people, expelling non-Islamic persons, and are building and buying nuclear weapons and arms; somehow Israel continues to get the bad press. We're fired on, attacked by rioters, and condemned by the international community over and over again. For what? For being Jewish? For wanting to protect our people and our own country? For allowing religious freedom? No other country in the world would allow such nonsense to continue. No other country would be condemned for protecting it's own people the way we are. No other country in the middle east protects democracy and freedom the way we do.
The Palestinian Authority (PA) broke agreements with Israel with their bid to the UN for upgraded status recognition. After more restraint than any other country in the world, Israel announced plans to approve and build over 3,000 homes in the area now known as "E1". This piece of land connects East Jerusalem to Maale Adumim. It's the space between Judea and Samaria, connecting the southern and northern parts of the "West Bank". The world is in an uproar screaming, "injustice!" Israel has also announced that we will stop paying aide monies to the PA until at least March. Billions of dollars is currently owed to the Israeli government by the PA for water and energy consumption. Palestinians in Judea, Sameria, and Gaza are supplied with water and electricity from an Israeli power grid. Billions of dollars worth of energy is paid by the Israeli tax payer for what? So some "poor Palestinian" can have water and electricity? The same Palestinian who will pick up a rock, or sometimes even a molotov cocktail, and hurl it at oncoming traffic. The same ones who will attack soldiers and start riots. Thank you Israel for the electricity, water, and aide money.... take a burning tire thrown on the road in front of your car as a token of our gratitude. Can you sense my frustration?
This week has been nothing short of shocking and frustrating to me as I continue to read article after article about what is going on in the world. History is about to repeat itself. We are on the edge of World War 3... we have been for a very long time. The Christian nations of the world are about to battle with the Arab nations of the world. This will be a religious war. If the Christian nations don't make the moves needed, the Jewish nation of Israel will. Our tiny sliver of land and population will move forward and do what needs to be done. We will take out nuclear weapons in Iran, we will crush weapons and arsenals in Syria, Lebanon, Gaza, etc. Whatever and however the job needs to be done, we will do it. We will do it holding the shield of King David as we fight for what is right.
Do I want war? Of course not. Who WANTS war? I want to see an end to conflict. I want to see an end to terror and murder. The world is on the edge of the biggest change we've experienced in our lifetimes. I truly believe that. I would love to see us come to that change with openness, love, and tolerance, but that seems to be a reality that is moving further and further away.
As Hanukah is coming to an end I can't help but think about the parallel between the story of Hanukah and what's currently happening in the world around us. In the story of Hanukah the tiny nation of Israel, a small rag tag group of Rabbis, stood up to the Greeks and fought a courageous and miraculous war. Right now, the land of Israel is once again looking to stand up for herself against the Arab nations surrounding us. Once again we are on the side of David as he prepares to fight Goliath. As I've said before and I will continue to say again... history is bound to repeat itself. Time is not linear. Time is circular. We have stood up to the Greeks, Romans, Egyptians. We have survived Inquisitions, expulsions, the Holocaust. We will continue to fight. We will continue to be strong. Never again.
As we finish Hanukah and look towards the end of 2012 I pray that we all have holidays filled with light, love, joy, and blessings.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
War and Peace
Now that Hamas and Israel have agreed to a ceasefire, things are supposed to get back to "normal.” The thing is, I'm not really sure what "normal" is. Or how to be "normal" afterwards. It's hard to describe what it's like living on the fence of war and peace. Of course, I'm happy that we're not being fired on, or that we didn't have to launch a ground invasion of Gaza. I was so relieved to see one of my good friends come back from his reservist duty earlier this week. I'm happy each and every time I see a friend come back home ... safe. I thank God for the peace, no matter how temporary it might be.
That being said, I now have war in the back of my mind. It's tapping away at the back of my subconscious. Last Friday night, as I lit my Shabbat candles, I kept thinking to myself, "What if another siren goes off like last week?" Today, as I was working in the preschool and the kids were sleeping, I kept thinking about my current biggest fear: to be in the preschool with sleeping kids and an air raid siren goes off. As I walk down the street I am vastly more aware of my surroundings and where the closest place to take cover could be. When I travel to Jerusalem I find myself scanning the roadside for Arab kids with rocks just waiting for an Israeli car to drive by. That being said, I'm really trying to not live my life in fear and terror. If I stop doing what I need to do and lock myself in my bedroom (which happens to be my apartment's shelter), they win.
My Israeli friends have been trying to instill courage in me. Most "sabre" Israelis (born and raised here) have crazy stories about war that we, as Americans, can't even begin to imagine. People in my age group have lived through Intifadas and the Gulf War. Add a few years to that and we're talking also about another Gaza War, the Yom Kippur War, and even the 1967 Six-Day War. I have friends that grew up taking their backpack, lunch and gas mask to school. You know, in case of chemical warfare. My friends and family have stories about hiding in their bathroom (since there weren't really shelters back then), putting duct tape around the door frame, wearing their gas masks, and hearing gun fire and rockets so close that it felt like it was coming into their homes. This is how Israelis reassure me that things are fine and I shouldn't worry. They tell me stories about the last Gaza War and the time their car got firebombed or stoned on the road. They tell me stories about how they used to be friends with many Arabs until (enter whichever war or terrorist attack you want here) happened.
They tell me that they're sorry they didn't even think about calling to check in on me, well because, (shoulder shrug) that's how life is. That's how life is? How is that possible? A nation of men and women grow up knowing and seeing war. Apparently I'm now "really Israeli" because I had to run into a shelter a few times recently. It makes my heart break a little bit with each story I hear. I think about the last time I was with my friends in America. We never spoke about war, international, national, or even local politics. All I can think about now is that Hamas in Gaza in currently rebuilding the same tunnels that were used for smuggling rockets from Iran. Iran is trying to broker a deal with Jordan, our neighbor to the east, by offering them 30 years of free oil. Also, Iran is loading ships with rockets for delivery to Gaza. Syria, to the northeast, is in the midst of a civil war. Lebanon, to the northwest, is backed by Hezbulla. Egypt, to the west, can't afford to break its peace agreement with Israel because of the billions of dollars in aid it’s receiving from America. Will that stop Egypt? Its president is affiliated with the Muslim Brotherhood, which is backed by Hamas.
I've lived in pretty rough neighborhoods before, but nothing compares to the one Israel lives in. I've seen pretty crazy things, including a hijacked mini-bus hostage situation outside my Los Angeles apartment, but it doesn't compare to seeing rocket trails outside my bedroom window followed by a boom that shook me to my core.
Yet we are still here. Yet I am still here. We will continue to be here. I will continue to be here.
I can't really describe how or why, I just know that despite my fears and anxieties I will continue to live in Israel. I will most likely continue to have fear and anxiety, but I'm hopeful that with time it will fade. All I can do is face the fear, look it dead in the eyes, and then continue on with my day — however that works. I have to trust that our mighty Israel Defense Forces are strong and well equipped. I have to stay strong and savvy and aware of what's going on around me. I have to talk to people about religion and politics (things too politically incorrect to speak about in other places) and stay informed.
As I'm sitting here in the computer lab at the elementary school where I teach, I can't help but think about the fact that just a few years ago I was living my simple little life in Bakersfield, serving coffee at a local Starbucks, blissfully unaware of anything that didn't directly affect my immediate life. Would I go back? No. How could I?
This week, the week following the ceasefire, our elementary school had a "special program" for the kids. The program was all about tolerance. Talk about courage. Where I've begun to feel hate in my heart over the pain and terror of the last week, this school has decided to take a huge chunk of time and teach the kids all about tolerance. What a beautiful thing to do. Teaching this to the children has resoftened my calluses. I think that hate is one of the most dangerous words in the English language, as well as a dangerous emotion.
It's one that I try to stay as far away from as I can. I'm thankful that in the midst of one of the most challenging times in my life, so far, we have taken time out to learn something good and positive. Something that will hopefully be ingrained in these children’s hearts as much as it is in mine.
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